Anxiety!!!

Well, as many of you already know, I have been struggling with anxiety for some time now. And while the meds are helping, some days it just breaks through. This is one of those days.

I just HATE it! I stress about such dumb things...things I can't do anything about...and I just want to crawl into bed and stay there until it goes away!

My mind tells me that it is silly, and that all will be well in the world, but the body doesn't want to listen. Heart races, breathing is tight, tears come, followed by headache, and just that over all feeling of dread. That is the worst part to me. Just that feeling that something bad is going to happen that will send my world crashing down around me. The only way I can think to describe it is the feeling you get after someone has jumped out and scared you...only it lasts all day or longer. Or maybe the feeling right before you get up in front of a large group of people to speak. That feeling you get as your standing up to walk to the pulpit, or as they are announcing that you are next, only this lasts for whole days to weeks. NOT FUN!

I have my coping activities...I go hide at mom's house (What a blessing she can be there for me when I need her), I call everyone I know is home to just talk and take my mind off of it. I play on my computer (Facebook rocks for this, as does Hulu). I bake. I cry. Ugh...it is no fun when it hits!

I hate to depress you all with my woes, but this blog is entitled "What was I thinking?" and well, this is what I am thinking.

I have thought of taking up jogging as a coping mechanism. Lots of people LOVE it. I have always hated it, even in gym class, but I thought it would be a good way to just zone out the world. Plus the dog would love it.

The world just seems to pile up all at once and it makes it hard to cope sometimes. I just have to keep telling myself that "this too shall pass" and "all things shall be for your good". I just hope I learn my lesson quickly so that the Lord will quit sending it all my way!

Once the anxiety is firmly in place, a mild depression usually sets in. Nothing suicidal or anything, just the feeling that you don't want to get out of bed, or do anything. Don't want to clean the house, don't want to eat, don't want to go out, just want to stay home. When this hits, I usually just have to force myself to go do something. Go to mom's and try to be social and around people. Call Michele. Take the kids to a park. Go on a walk with the boys and the dog. Something. Oh, and I bake bread. I don't know why this relaxes me, but it does.

Well, enough whining, I'm going to go force myself to clean the kitchen and take a shower. Jeremy needs a mommy and I am it.

Don't worry to much about me, I will be OK, just having a rough patch is all. Thanks for caring!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo